I’ve thought alot lately about how, in following Christ, it’s inevitable the masks we wear will crumble like plaster into dust. I suspect shedding masks is part of what Jesus teaches about dying to ourselves. Afterall, rebirth, new life, transformation, transfiguration can only happen when our old selves die.
Our masks might include being ‘a perfectionist’, ‘the good girl’, ‘the strong one’, ‘the savior’, or the ‘super achiever’. Other masks include pride, egotism, priviledge and self-sufficiency. Most often our masks hide deeper parts of our selves we don’t like, or parts we’ve abandoned because as children these parts weren’t accepted or nurtured in our families of origin. I’ve most often worn the mask of the ‘super achiever’ which is a role I adopted as a teenager when mom’s mental illness took root; I was the oldest daughter, so someone needed to take over. Decades later I learn it was all too much, but by then the my super achiever mask was firmly in place. Shedding this mask has been a process of years, and very painful, because what we find behind our masks often isn’t easy to face. I’ve uncovered the fear and overwhelm I never dealt with as a teen watching my mother’s demise. I’ve faced a surprising lack of confidence, along with shame riding on a black horse. I discovered voices of critical relatives, who looked like slouched over aunties with flapping sking hanging over bikinis, Bibles on their laps, judging me with frequent glances beneath bifocals. Wearing the mask is much less painful — for a while.
Author Parker Palmer reminds us: “The path to humility sometimes includes humiliation, when we are brought low, rendered powerless, stripped of pretenses and defenses, and left feeling fraudulent, empty and useless, these parts need to be embraced not orphaned. They need tender loving care.”
Harbored underneath our masks we’ll discover the ‘shadow side’ of that mask — usually the opposite of the mask. Behind my super achiever persona I harbored a deeper need for the opposite — for not doing, for under-doing, for quitting, for a slower pace. What I had really needed as a young teenager was nurturing, knowing the impossibility of the task I took on, understanding limitations, and asking for help. I found underneath my mask a vulnerable, needy child that deserved mothering, who needed to be a teenager, not a mother caring for a family.
Jesus did tell us when we’re like little children, we most know the kingdom of heaven, and St. Paul said, when we are weak we are strong. With Jesus, it’s been safe to become like a child again. This reliance on God’s supernatural love, allowed me to shed my iron-woman falsities. Shedding our masks is crucial for living as branches on the vine where our true selves can take root, where spiritual enlightenment blooms fruitfulness. No longer can we fool our wizardly selves with self-deceptive cries, “pay no attention to the (wo)man behind the curtain!” To find our true selves, or like Dorothy in Oz, to return home, we need to pull the curtain on our knee rattling wizards pretending to be what we are not.
Most of our lives we aren’t aware of the masks we wear, yet when we lead faithful lives, God’s grace, word and truth will most certainly slowly peel them off whether we like it or not. We’ll be called on inauthenticity, immoralities, impatience, greed, rage and co-dependence we’re camoflauging. Overtime, and sometimes miraculously, by the grace of God, such debase characteristics will most certainly transform into joy, peace, hope, kindness, generosity, patience and self-love. This is the pay-off to living an authentic, mask free life with God — surely less exhausting than a life masquerading.
“Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens above—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths below—what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.” – Job 11:7-11
In shedding my super achiever mask, I’m becoming familiar with my true self raising her red flag, with the limitations years ago I would have ignored. As midlife bids me toward deeper self-reflection, I ask myself harder questions of what I can and cannot do in my worklife that has always been ‘take on huge projects’ by myself. It makes me question how I’ll create my next documentary project differently, how I’ll ask for help, manage what I can, not as superwoman. Heading toward the last crest of my 50’s, a slower life pace biddens. I’m listening to the beat of it’s drum, rather than the hip-hop, rock n’ roll beat of the world. It calls me deeper to God’s will for me now, for continued trust in God’s guidance as I wander onto a road less traveled, maskless. No longer will my identity be the superachiever mask, but rather, the whole of me as a child of God, the weaker parts, and the strong. I’ll slowly bring the vulnerable parts of me into the sunlight, planting my wholeness into the grounding of humility and truth.
Living a faithful life isn’t always easy. Masks will fall revealing naked shame and vulnerabilities. At times it will be agonizing, lonely and painful. But masks falling means God’s working behind the scenes, behind the curtain, trimming the branches dead on our vines, letting those fall like crisp brown leaves to the ground, letting them crumble into pure soil beginnings where new life begins in our true selves.
In reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. – Ephesians: 4:22-24
What mask are you needing to shed? Can you trust God is guiding you to live an authentic life of truth?
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I love your whole post. As I’ve entered my early sixties God has shown me some of the masks that I’ve worn. And I love what you say here because it is so true: “No longer will my identity be the superachiever mask, but rather, the whole of me as a child of God, the weaker parts, and the strong. I’ll slowly bring the vulnerable parts of me into the sunlight, planting my wholeness into the grounding of humility and truth.” Amen to this! It really is very freeing even if it makes us more vulnerable.
Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #SmallWonder this week! Hope you have an awesome week!
Hi Gayl, so nice to see you here again! I think we finally realize around our age that it’s okay to take down our fronts and
just we who we are! It’s easier for us to Let Go, Let God because we know well what the alternative is wearing masks that no longer
serve us. Blessings to you!
“But masks falling means God’s working behind the scenes”. Sometimes when our masks fall, we feel vulnerable and wonder about what others think when they seemus without our masks. But we aren’t to be concerned about what others think. We should be at peace knowing that God is working in our lives and taking away our masks, and remaking us in His image.
Thank you for such a lovely post.
Blasseings
so well said Tanya..we should only be concerned that God is working in our lives. I do think those who don’t get afraid of our vulnerabilities without masks are often the ones we trust the most.
“At times it will be agonizing, lonely and painful.” I feel all of these as I let go and let my unfading scars be known and my vulnerabilities show. And very scared, I must admit. Your words of God trimming the vine (the scripture I am drawn to lately) brings hope that there will be a time of rejoicing again. Thanks for sharing your story. There is a peace resonating behind your words!
thanks so much for your encouragement Lynn! I also love the trimming of the vine scripture..always love when you visit!
You’re absolutely right. The masks that we wear are most times the exact opposite of what we actually feel. If we’re not careful they can detract us from God. Thank you for calling a spade a spade – too often we keep up the facade because we are afraid for others to see our true selves. How very liberating to know that we’re not alone.
That’s so true how we keep up the facade so others can’t see our true selves, but I’m finding relationships are so much richer and authentic when we can show our vulnerable sides..at least we know who our friends are! So glad you visited Ami!
I loved your blog on endurance, but couldn’t find a place to leave a comment..
That Palmer quote! Wow!
I think for me, it’s the mask of independence, the I-have-it-all-together-and-I-don’t-need-you mask. I’ve been alone for so long in so many ways that it’s become a comfort zone. The idea of needing anybody frightens me, because I become vulnerable to them.
Ultimately, I think He’s trying to get me to trust people, not because they won’t let me down, but because He won’t. I’m still in that journey. It hasn’t been easy.
I know that one well, too! I love your self-awareness about this issue, and how you’re seeing it as a journey..even
when it’s not easy. So glad you visited, and that song will help you to remember..may you be blessed with trusting and
opening up and being cared for when you feel safe and ready.
It is a great Palmer quote! I love your truth here..admitting our independence is a beginning of vulnerability needed for having underlying needs met. Loved your post on your darling sister!
Spot on. And a timely message- it seems “renewed” is the word the Lord wants stuck in my mind today! : ) Thank you for this wisdom. I especially appreciated your point that most of us don’t recognize the masks we are wearing but as we faithfully follow Him and are near to Him, they come off. Then we see them for what they are. Painful but glorious truth as the Lord renews us!
Love the word renewal Bethany..yes, shedding our masks brings renewal..and even when we can’t shed masks ourselves, in faith we
trust we’re being refined and renewed..a mystery and a great gift. Thanks for visiting!
Such a good post. You’ve given me much to think about here. You really hit it on the head when you say that mid-life brings with it deeper self-reflection! I have felt this keenly the past few years. The mask I wear is self-sufficiency. I can do it myself! 🙂 That shadow mask is a deep desire for help. God has taught me that I can’t do everything by myself, that I need others, that being alone really isn’t better. I look forward to a life where I intentionally live by portraying my real self.
Thanks for visiting Andrea. Not too much is written about mid-life self-reflection, I think such a key aspect of this time in our lives..self-sufficiency is so common, I think when we finally accept God’s will, that mask being removed is such a relief. I know it’s one of my masks too..and the desire for help underneath is pretty blazing when we finally look at it! Blessings as you journey to your real self, I am alongside! Thank God for our faith!
I need to shed the perfectionism mask. And it’s coming off painfully, because I have been going through an internally difficult year and a half. It seems that most of what I feel is vulnerable and anxious, as well as sometimes humiliated by feeling my efforts are rejected. I hope God is in all of this difficulty, making me a better person slowly by changing my perspective and expectations, because I know at the same time that I am truly blessed.
Thank you for sharing your story! It does help.
So glad this is helpful Hillary. During hard times it’s so difficult to know God is at work behind the scenes guiding us to something
much better, while pruning our branches! Blessings!
The devil uses those masks to his benefit, doesn’t he? I’ve worn my own as well. And isn’t it funny how we have no clue we’re wearing a mask? But when the Holy Spirit counsels with truth and the falsity falls, there’s such wonderful freedom. It makes me want to say, “Look what the Lord has done!” I wish you the best on life’s next adventures, whether documentary or another project. May God be glorified.
“….you lay aside the old self….” reminds me of a beautiful sonnet of Shakespeare…”And death now dead there is no more dying then.” The beauty of laying down the masks allows us to redirect our energies from soul exhausting work to those things that bring our souls joy AND renewal (love that word too). I am most grateful for those soul sisters and brothers of mine AND my heavenly mother and father WHO continue to love me when the old masks are SHED and renewal begins.
Love what you say, removing our masks helps free up energies which brings renewal. Amen!
I love this post. I’ve worn so many masks, trying to fit in, trying to not get bullied, trying to be the girl a guy would find interesting, trying to pretend I wasn’t interested in the guy, the mask of a perfect mother, the mask of a perfect Christian, the mask covering the horror going on in my life. I don’t think I really started to put it down until I started blogging. There was something so freeing about being vulnerable and open about what was happening in my life. But I didn’t “put on the mask” because I was embarrassed, I put on the mask because I was afraid my husband would be upset if I didn’t. I hid to hide his issues (addiction) so he wouldn’t be exposed but it hid who I was and somewhere in there, I lost her for awhile. It took that raw vulnerability to strip off masks I’d spent years building. God knows who we are and He could have made us perfect but then we wouldn’t need Him and we would never know how wonderful it is to live without the pressure of being perfect.
Thanks so much, I’m so inspired by your strength and faith journey, and so glad these words spoke to you. You have come so far! Blessings on the imperfection and vulnerablity you’ve found, what gems really!