A while back when I faced an onslaught of anxiety from the far horizon of my unconscious, during the desert of mid-life, when my hands-on, self-less years of motherhood withered to cooking one family dinner a week, if even, when my son’s adolescence took root, when menopause and teen hormones danced hip-hop through my living room, when the house went quiet too often, when I suddenly faced my emptied self in limbo.
Up to that blurry point, I’d been faithful and God-seeking, prayerful, going to Bible study weekly, and filled with the joy of the spirit. I’d been content with my honey infused green-tea spiritual morning practice of contemplative prayer and scripture reading. I didn’t expect the onslaught of anxiety swirling from a beckoning horizon, a looming darkness on the edges of my sunny days, that finally shadowed my enlightened self like a solar eclipse. Suddenly anxiety clung to my days like a screaming child, her arms wrapped tight around her mother’s thigh. No matter how much I prayed and cried out for relief from this roaring angst, it wouldn’t leave. It woke me in the morning, and kept me up at night. Only repetitious prayers of “God have mercy” could finally allow me slumber.
Looking back, my “perfect”, pious, good-girl, spiritual practices were just that — not the real deal. Self-soothing, with holy intentions, clothed in a monk-like aura, they lacked roots and radical surrender. God wanted all of me — surrendered fully. When I thought I’d been living God’s will, I’d been designing my own idea of seeking God’s will through ritual, where the ritual trumped God and became god. Wake and make tea. Center myself in silence. Read the scripture of the day and an inspirational prayer. Soak in the word. Surrender the jungle of thoughts swinging like monkeys from trees until God peeks through like sunlight. Savor these rare moments of grace. Looking from the outside, one might think this an impressive holy ritual for a modern-day woman. Yet, it really was no different from when I felt holier just by going church and church activities each week, when I had been missing the main point: a complete surrendering to God’s will not just on Sunday, but everyday, every moment possible.
God wants all of us.
Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. – Romans 13:1
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. – Galatians 2:20
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. – Matthew 16:25
Anxiety is our surrender flag, waving it’s rigorous, flapping cloth in our face. It’s rolling thunder over our wills, a booming reminder to return to our maker, to the lap of God’s will, the promise of a life well-lived. It is a warning flag to return to the one who orchestrates the undoing of our burdens, who gives us a new spirit and new heart, who promises rest for our souls, bringing joy and freedom, enlivening the fruits of the spirit within.
Who wouldn’t want such freedom?
Surrendering to God’s will needs to be our only prayer, the heart of hearts of our spiritual practice, until it’s etched into our very being.
We need to make our spiritual lives more simple, get out of our own way, let Jesus ride the donkey into our lives, surrendering each waking moment to the will of God. He shows us how, follow his ways, immerse yourself in the heart of Christ’s heart. To the very last day he followed God’s will: “Yet not as I will, but as You will.” Throughout his ministry Jesus said, “My nourishment comes from doing the will of God”, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to finish His work.” “I can do nothing by Myself; I judge only as I hear. And My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.”
Make the red flags of worry, anxiety, depression, doubt, fear, anger, sadness, and hopelessness point you back home to the doorway of “Thy will be done“. Surrendering to God’s will, hold your goals loosely, allowing the winds of the spirit to guide your days, leading you onto new paths already paved before you. Don’t chart your own course, navigating nature’s unreliable winds, learn and listen to the whispers of the spirit guiding “go this way”. Bring your spiritual practices, your church-going or non-church going into the fire of God’s will. Pray vibrant prayers for the flags of your relentless anxieties flapping loudly in the spirit’s breeze, to return you to the holy island of God’s will — where love and peace abounds, where we’re shaped and conformed to God’s image, transformed into people who bring heaven to earth.
Surrendering to God’s will is a get out of jail free ticket from fretting, worrying and self-entrapment. It is wearing the mind of Christ, centering into the womb of divine trust and guidance, into landscapes of God’s gentle, guiding spirit of contentment, wisdom, relinquishment, and a thousand unfolding miracles.
But listen closely. God’s will is counter-cultural, non-conformist, unworldly, merciful, wildly creative and super interesting. Take heed. Surrender. Listen closely so you don’t miss God’s truth shining through you.
“Or do you not realize about yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you?” – 2 Corinthians 13:5
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
We love your comments!
I LOVE your writing style…so open, honest, and transparent! You touched my heart with your quote, “Make the red flags of worry, anxiety, depression, doubt, fear, anger, sadness, and hopelessness point you back home to the doorway of “Thy will be done“… this morning as I was praying about the results of a biopsy I won’t know for 2-3 weeks…The Lord reminded me of a question I heard Pastor Andy Stanley ask, “What would a girl, just like you, do, in a situation just like the one you are in, if she was absolutely certain that God was with her?” Then, His Peace and His Presence flooded over me, and I knew He’s Already There, and He will be with me every moment into the future, and I rest in His everlasting arms. Many blessings to you!
Oh thank you so much Beth for your encouraging and thoughtful comment. I pray your faith during this waiting period for your biopsy results remains strong and so glad this post speaks to you..how we all need to remember the radical surrender in all our circumstances! I love Pastor Andy Stanley’s quote..such a meditation for each of us to consider each day. I’m so glad you received such peace that surpasses all understanding, and pray you return to this place each day. Blessings to you! I will keep you in my prayers!
Thank you so much!
Great writing and the point hits home! I am going through the same thing right now, and God’s will is scary to me. I am so afraid He will leave my feelings by the wayside, but I have no proof of that! Great article!
Thank you for your honesty Jennifer, I think we begin to surrender when we admit our fears and to deeper faith in Thy Will Be Done. You’re being called to deeper faith even with your doubts-scripture always reminds me how God works in our darkness and provides what we need. Thanks for visiting!
“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it and whoever wishes to lose his life for My Sake will save it”
Ahhhh yes….the ultimate scripture of surrender and perfectly timely for my reminding. As I navigate through these uncharted waters of life as mother of adult men, mother in law and grandmother, I am learning the importance of the art of surrender more than ever. I have been gifted with 6 weeks post surgery convalescence which has given me more time and space than I can recall ever having in my middle age to go deep into the wellspring of my soul and listen.
This listening is teaching me that to keep close intimate connections with my sons and daughter in law and grandchildren is not going to look like the vision I had in my mind. This vision I had was a fantasy based on thinking I could do things the way they were modeled for me. When I deeply listen to how my sons and daughter in law would like to spend together, and am creative in blending their desires with mine…..a truer intimacy develops.
So much “letting go and acceptance” is needing to happen at this phase of life.
During my son and family’s recent visit, I was having a day that I was seeing the cup half empty. Despite the beauty and wonder and love of my grandchildren, I was exhausted from food prep, laundry, keeping house organized and childcare. I was feeling invisible due to absence of my son and daughter in law ever asking me how my life was going. I went for a walk on trail I hadnt been on for awhile. At the trailhead I found a huge chalk written message on a cinderblock wall that read: Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly…..a butterfly was drawn to end sentence. I had an image of Jesus on the cross and then his resurrection. I received the strong reminder that the only consistent source of peace and strength is through my intimate relationship with Christ and his teachings. I had a tearful moment then walked to my secret meditation spot where I looked out over a vineyard and the gorgeous Pacific beyond and inhaled “Thy will be done” and exhaled “surrender my will”. I began to see my cup full once again and offered gratitude for my loving, fun, curious and beautiful grandchildren.
Kathy, thank you for these wonderful scriptures of surrender….which by the way was my chosen word of 2016.
What grace you found in the butterfly, and all the many insights during your healing from surgery. How beautiful profound that you had an image of Jesus on the cross,and then his resurrection –and the all to strengthen your intimate relationship with Christ. That is so immensely beautiful. You remind me of the scripture- “God’s grace is sufficient!” I see so much grace in your words, how the spirit is with you, and those how those tears were grace moving through you, how Thy Will be Done is realized — not just words. So so beautiful. Wow, Surrender was your 2016 word! Thank you for sharing.
“Anxiety is our surrender flag, waving it’s rigorous, flapping cloth in our face.” Gosh, I hadn’t looked at anxiety that way but, yes, it’s a flag to surrender. I’m thankful the anxiety I can experience is very low-grade, and those middle of the night wake-ups somewhat manageable with a book, or a Michael W. Smith recording. I’m learning that it really is not the change of our circumstances that decrease the fretting. It is knowing the Christ in us. Such perfect scripture you ended your post with today! Thank you!
Always love your thoughtful comments Lynn!
Your words about your spiritual practices… “Self-soothing, with holy intentions, clothed in a monk-like aura, they lacked roots and radical surrender. God wanted all of me — surrendered fully,” struck a cord with me. I am grateful that Jesus is able to break through my carefully constructed religiosity to transform me through His grace.
Thank you for your comment Wendy, I’m so glad this struck a cord! We all need to remind one another what’s most important on our faith journey!
Wow. I love the way you write, so descriptive. Your post is powerful. Letting go and trusting God that his picture of our lives is indeed best. Thank you for reminding me that relationship with Jesus is more important than routine. As a mom of three boys under the age of 6, the temptation to have routine is appealing. That said, I want to live your advice – surrendered to Him.
Thank you so much Allie for such encouragement! I love your yearning faith as a mom of three boys under the age of 6(!) — you young women amaze me. I’m so glad my post spoke to you, encouraging you to surrender to Thy Will!
Oh friend… this: “…they lacked roots and radical surrender. God wanted all of me — surrendered fully.” Amen! The whole post is spot on and so good! Glad we are neighbors again!
Amen! Karrilee, we remind one another where we most need to be!! Amen!!!!
This post sucker-punched me because I am sitting in a pile of anxiety. And this has been going on since the beginning of September. No surprise that it was so hard to get on your site because I so needed to read this.
(And, it is as always, gorgeously and poetically written).
I adore you Jennie. So glad you visited and that this could reach you (still there) under a pile of anxiety. I know this so well.
Such anxiety can be debilitating..may it be your surrender flag. We are here to support one another which is one of the most beautiful blessings of blogging..I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God is always there in the mess and tangle of our worries..Thy Will Be Done!
I first read your post a few days ago, but hadn’t commented yet. So many things you said touched my heart, I just didn’t know where to begin. This post is so beautifully written and encouraging. One of my favorite things you said is,
“Surrendering to God’s will is a get out of jail free ticket from fretting, worrying and self-entrapment”. Oh how I needed to hear this to FREE myself! Thank you!
I’m so touched by your comment Keishawna, and so blessed the words spoke deeply to your heart and soul! Many beautiful blessings to you, I hope to share our writings again!
Amen and Amen!
Thank you for writing such beautiful truth, Kathy. I have been listening to Hillary Scott’s song “Thy Will” (be done) – and it all really does come down our hearts in humble and loving submission to God, trusting in His perfect love expressed through His perfect will. This is our secure and safe place in this world.