I’m reflecting on LOVE this Valentine’s week, specifically on intimate love in committed relationships and marriage.
Honestly, sometimes I find it easier to say “I love you” to my cat than to my husband. This I’m not proud of. Growing up in a dysfunctional family is one excuse. Love was twisted and confusing. But, really, the core of my difficulty is that loving sometimes is just not easy. Marriage is not apple pie and roses. Relationships are challenging. Why? Once the honeymoon phase is over, intimacy puts a mirror to both the good and the bad of who we are, bringing to the surface both our spouse or partner’s best qualities and flaws in the raw. In intimate relationships, the infections of being human seem to rise from under our skin, ultimately for healing.
Intimacy brings us into a larger story intrinsic in all deepening relationships. Suddenly blissful romantic loves takes us into unchartered territory. Our relationship takes on new plots and story twists, stuff of the Odyssey filled with conflicts, financial challenges, health issues, stresses and bumps in the road, with respites like picnics, Valentine’s Day dates, cuddling laughter, fun and tropical vacations. Protagonists help us through rough spots, antagonists make trouble. Sometimes we, or our partner goes into the underworld – addictions, chronic illness, depression, or a midlife crisis. Committed intimate relationships beg us to love and accept one another despite our flaws and troubles, while helping one another be the best we can be, navigating Red Sea impossibilities life inevitably delivers. Love is sometimes murky in the process.
I cringe when I read St. Paul’s famous ‘love’ scripture since I fall short of such noble descriptions of love. What about you?
Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Of course only an angel can live such love!
Then I remember, I’m more than my love inadequacy, in fact much of the time I love my husband with a burning passion, with a mundane simplicity that’s beautiful, with selflessness.
He also helps reminds me, “you may find it hard to tell me you love me, but you show me instead”, he says. “I feel it, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He pulls me close and reminds me again and again. It’s as if I’m looking in a new, shiny love mirror.
He reminds me my actions are louder than words, louder than my impatience, louder than my pride, louder than when I provoke, when I cannot bear another ounce of his work stress, or when he eats peanut butter out of the jar, or the many nights his snoring wakes me from a deep, dreamy slumber, or when I wish I could run away to a cabin alone when we ruffle each other’s feathers when life gets too hard, when he wants to live alone in a tent in the desert.
Despite all our inadequacies, a grand symphony of love resounds behind the scenes on the edges of mystery led by a great conductor.
St. Paul was talking to the Corinthians at the time of his now famous sermon. They fell short of loving one another, so his words, I think, reminded them return to love, to the possibilities of love, to the nature of love Christ modeled, the one who came in human form embodying “God is love”.
God is love.
As humans, we may fall short of expressing such love with our loved ones at times, but in the container of a committed marriage and relationship, intimacy draws love close where love — God — behind-the-scenes, convicts, guides and corrects. Such great love at work nudges us to forgive, helps us communicate in healthier ways, reminds us of patience, and selflessness. God’s love is a one-way sign back to kindness, faith, hope and goodness that fills the cracks in our love efforts, helping us, well, love well.
God is love is the container that holds us in the fragile container of intimacy, revealing the power that binds and shines and brings life to those we love, while drawing us close, celebrating the greatest gift of all.
If I speak with the languages of men and of angels, but don’t have love, I have become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but don’t have love, I am nothing. If I dole out all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but don’t have love, it profits me nothing.
Some facts about love:
In the English language there’s only one word for love. Author Robert Johnson says “Sanskrit has 96 words for love; ancient Persian has 80, Greek three, and English only one.”
Euphoria is linked to romantic love and lasts only about a year before the “committed” stage begins if we last that long. During this transition neurotrophin protein levels become elevated.
Expressing gratitude to loved ones elevates happiness.
Harvard researchers conducted a 75-year long study,showing that love is really all that matters.
WE LOVE YOUR COMMENTS!
God is love. Meditating on that Cor. verse once, I was prompted by the Spirit to replace the word “love” with “God” since God is love. And then it became so much clearer to me of who God is and through Him, how to love! I definitely don’t have it all figured out but by going back to that He is is love somehow takes the pressure off to be perfect in love on my own. When I first saw the title of this post, I hesitated, as being single without either committed or marriage relationship, it isn’t always easy on Valentine’s Day but He reminds me of His promise and reading and learning about love is preparation. Wonderfully written expressing the commitment to the loving relationship. Happy Valentine’s Day!
I’m so glad you did visit even though you’re not in a committed relationship..since I know God is preparing you!
Of course I want to be match maker because I think someone is going to very blessed by you!! I absolutely love your idea
of replacing the word “love” with God. That sheds such an new light on the the word love! Yes..and through reflecting on God we
reflect on how to love! Happy Valentine’s Day Lynn! You’re such a blessing!!
My husband just preached on these verses yesterday! The love we learn from Jesus is agape love- love that is supernatural and unconditional. No, we will never be perfect here on earth, but our goal is to imitate Christ, so that is what helps us to learn the characteristics of love.
Marriage is the hardest relationship we will have, for sure! I have been married for a long time, and although we have had our rough patches, our love for one another is held together by the glue of loving God. Our faith is what sustains us and also what helps us to love better.
Great post!
thank you Natalie, you are living it well, as shown by your long marriage! I love how your husband preached on this verse! I didn’t realize how challenging a verse it is to live up to until I started writing..and discovered it’s deeper message. Blessings!
It is so hard sometimes to hear the verses about showing Gods love and know that we all fall short from time to time. Especially with our spouse. The only thing we can do is constantly do better.
I know I didn’t rose color this post much..but I realized how human we are in our love..but there’s a greater love that guides! Blessings!
Corinthians though inspiring can be a bit disheartening when we see how much we fail. But the we remember G0d’s mercy. Thanks for your honesty in sharing your own struggles and reflection on love itself. Definitely food for thought.
Thanks much Audrey..I hesitated in taking a more critical look at love in marriage and committed relationships, not wanting to spoil the Hallmark Card type of Valentine’s Day..but I think most can relate! Blessings!
Aw Kathy, this is just such a beautiful message and SO needed for us all! I just love that your husband acknowledges your deep love for him through your actions- he GETS you, and that IS love.
“As humans, we may fall short of expressing such love with our loved ones at times, but in the container of a committed marriage and relationship, intimacy draws love close where love — God — behind-the-scenes, convicts, guides and corrects. Such great love at work nudges us to forgive, helps us communicate in healthier ways, reminds us of patience, and selflessness. God’s love is a one-way sign back to kindness, faith, hope and goodness that fills the cracks in our love efforts, helping us, well, love well.” Oh such WISDOM you share here! I shout a full throttle AMEN to that! If it weren’t for God’s great mercies and relentless love and His guiding Spirit to help me learn how to love the way He loves… I would never have the undying and unwavering love I have with Derek. I cannot imagine a marriage without God in the center holding us together.
Although I don’t know your dear Derek, what I have read about your marriage is that you hold such a sacred, deep bond that
is based in God’s love! I know you had an anniversary recently and felt the joy knowing how you are celebrating such a great and
divine gift together each year you’re married. I love you two together, two lights in the world!
Agape love, the love we learn from Jesus is true, it’s pure, it’s wholly (and holy) unconditional and supernatural love that we can never fully attain, but it is this love that God calls us to imitate here on this earth the best we know how. It’s tough stuff, learning to love as Jesus loves, but it’s a sanctifying love that allows two sinners fully committed to the Lord to let Him do a redeeming work in their marriage. Love that you shared your struggles and your success with marriage here in this post. Great job! Thank you for sharing your heart.
what a beautiful comment Nicki! You write such a beautiful description of Agape love!! Thank you for your words and visiting today!
I love how your beloved lets you know that your loving actions make him feel loved and nurtured…..even when your passionate Italian temper may flare. One of the biggest gifts we are given in a lifetime is an intimate love relationship within we are able to each develop our mature inner feminine and masculine characters AND accept our shadow selves AND become more WHOLE human beings as a result of this profoundly deep work of love. It is through this devotion to our beloveds that we are driven to accept and forgive our shadow selves and transcend to forgive our beloveds’ shadows. Whenever my husband remains kind and understanding after my temper flares I feel love so deeply…I am brought to tears. His love for my whole person is a God given grace and my greatest earthly blessing.
what a beautiful response-acknowleding how intimate love is such a gift, and a deep healing to become
more loving , mature people. I love your words ” It is through this devotion to our beloveds that we are driven to accept and forgive our shadow selves and transcend to forgive our beloveds shadows”. I see how marriage can move us to be more Christ-like! Beautiful!